Mobile Suit Gundam: Advent

A fanfic by Ghost shepherd and Kenyon

We decided to post our very own fanfic on this forum. Why? Why not? the way it is presented is in script form meaning it will look like your reading the script of an anime, if it were an anime.

After each Chapter, we invite you to post your questions, comments, and/or concerns about each chapter, and yes all courtesy rules apply. unless its constructive critsism, i dont want to hear “this sucks!” or “this is crap!” or any of the sort, because that kind of talk means your a troll who needs to be Staked through the heart (joke). Once we have the first chapter up (which should be either this afternoon or tommorow afternoon) we look forward to seeing what your first impression of this series is. Thank you and we look forward to your comments.

Warning: the following fanfic is intended for a mature audience, Viewer discretion is advised.
There! I covered my ass! Lol

Also: this Fanfic is totally copyright protected. And Is in the process of being published.

Original Mecha and Ship Designs belong to the original creators.
Modified Mecha and several Ship Designs by Kenyon and Ghost Shepperd.
All Characters created by Kenyon and Ghost Shepperd.

Note: For those who are unfamiliar with Gundam, Please Visit the site below and in order to figure out what the machines look like just find the suit (ie: Plebian) look in the paragraph of what it resembles (ie: Plebian RESEMBLES a GM) go to the forementioned site, type in the name of the resembling suit (GM) and youll find what you’re (possibly) looking for. hope that helps you lol

NOTE: All Characters Are Owned Buy Kenyon and Ghost Sheppard and are copyright protected.

Well, I hope to read this soon! If this becomes an anime, I want to be a voice actor…

Can’t wait man, been working on a fan fic my self for awhile too, might post it some time.

Anyhow I hope to beable to read it here soon. :smiley:

Chapter 1
Location: Unspecified penal satellite near the Sintao System, Teran (Earth) Federation territory.
-Two men dressed in military uniforms are walking down a corridor, one wearing the markings of a Major the other of a Full Bird Colonel. One who looks to be in his late 20s, the other in his “winter years”. The young Major is about 6’4”, 200 pounds of “Military Conditioned Muscle”, sports what appears to be brown shaggy but clean cut hair under his Cap. The Colonel is about 5’11” (because he’s bent over), sports salt and pepper hair and his face seems to have seen all sorts of hell. A small white scar can be seen across the fore head of the Major in a diagonal pattern. Their uniforms are Olive Drab with kakis pants and military brown shoes. Both are capped off with officers Crusher Caps with the TF’s mighty Eagle emblazoned on the front. Both men are apprehensive, but focused.
Major: So….sigh let me see it.
-The Colonel hands him the file he was holding. The Major opens it up and begins to read the contents.
Major: (Reading in paraphrase) “Lieutenant Colonel Damas Thein Mathaian…Born on Alpha Prime…part of the original GR Program… Winning multiple victories against the Argonaut Alliance during the Argonaut Wars …received multiple injuries and augmentations from combat…awarded the TF’s Congressional Medal of Honor…Cited for disorderly conduct…Cited for conduct unbecoming an officer…Cited for striking a superior officer…Cited for Murdering a superior officer…Cited for Defecating on a superior officers desk…Cited for insubordination on several accounts ….”and of course,”…Theft of Government Property”
Major: this guy has some serious problems with authority doesn’t he?
Colonel: you could say that.
Major: and yet he’s the only one capable of piloting the Ghost?
Colonel: as much as I hate to admit it, yes.
Major: Great! (Sarcasm) I ask for top notch pilots and I get stuck with a homicidal maniac.
Colonel: Well he may be a maniac….
-As the two approach a cell, a beer bottle crashes into the bars.
Prisoner: But I’m not homicidal!
-The prisoner looks 6’8”, 280 pounds of sleek muscles, semi frail frame, multiple scars and patches on his body. A prosthetic arm is attached where his left arm was. He has a combination of brown with gray color for hair. He has aqua/green eyes, both flaring with pride and anger.
Colonel: Hello Damas.
Damas: Colonel Arnold Gathers …also known as Colonel Bull****! (Forum requires me to censor certain words)
Gathers: Cute.
-Damas looks at the Major.
Damas: And who might this be another one of your whores?
Major: Major Thomas Patterson Anoah sir, of the 101st Star Bourne Rangers, 10th Battalion, Bravo Company, Mobile Suit Corps.
Damas: Well that’s a mouth full, a lot more than what you take from the…wait a minute?
-Damas looks at Thomas like he’s seen him before.
Damas: You wouldn’t happen to be Archer’s boy would you?
Thomas: Yep, it’s been along time D.
-Damas slaps his face into the palm of his artificial hand and walks to the back of the cell.
Damas: Son of a bitch! You had to bring him along Gathers?!
Gathers: I though by bringing him here you would be more cooperative.
-Damas looks back and looks at Gathers curiously
Damas: What the hell does that mean?
-Gathers pulls out another file and hands it to Damas through the bars. Damas takes the file opens it up and reads its contents.
Gathers: It’s been almost 10 years since we signed the armistice with the Argonauts…
Damas: (cutting him off)… and both the Federation and the Argonauts screwed me over!
-Gathers continues
Gathers: As I was saying it has been 10 years since we signed the armistice with them and as you can see in those Recon photos….
-pans to the photos of Mobile Suits being loaded up on transport drop ships.
Gathers: …they are apparently fully rearmed for a fight.
-Damas looks up at Gathers.
Damas: (smiling) Come on….I’m waiting?
-Thomas looks back and forth between the two confused.
Gathers: (Sighs as though swallowing pride) OK you were right; they signed the treaty to buy time to repair and rearm. There! I said it!
Damas: (still smiling) there was that so hard?
Gathers: actually yes it was.
Damas: good.
-Thomas intervenes
Thomas: I’m sorry to interrupt but can we move it along? I have more pilots to recruit?
Damas: Pilots?
-Damas looks at Gathers.
Gathers: As much as I hate to say this Damas, but the Federation is prepared to grant you a full pardon in exchange for your skills as a pilot.
-Damas looks at Gathers, then at Thomas, then back at Gathers again.
Damas: (Grinning) Let me guess you tried to pilot Ghost with someone else?
Gathers: yes, we did.
Damas: and he turned inside out?
Gathers: yes (sulking), he did.
-Damas paces back and forth across his cell. Thinking…, then he pulls out a piece of toilet paper from his pants of his blue jumpsuit.
Damas: First and foremost, you try to screw me over; you’re all dead men got it?
Gathers: Done.
Damas: Second, I want an unlimited and free supply of beer, liquor, or anything with alchahol.
Gathers: Done.
Damas: Third, no one goes near Ghost except me or the mechanic is THAT clear?
Gathers: Yes.
Damas: Fourth, I act alone and I don’t answer to anyone, not even you. I will aid the team but I work alone. Clear?
Gathers: Crystal.
Damas: Lastly, I will not be sent to prison again for any and all actions past, present and future, are we clear on that?
Gathers: Certainly.
-Damas closes the paper and slides it back into his pocket.
Damas: alright…You have my attention.

Location: Federation Mobile Suit Research Facility Codenamed: “Cradle” Actual location Classified.
-we see a Large Ring like Facility in Space with four arches from the inner corners of the ring connecting to a center tube that runs down from the ring to a conic point. We then pan to a small craft the shape of an old Space Shuttle but more futuristic in design fly towards the colossal structure. A voice echo’s over a two way comlink.
Control: This is Cradle Control please state your credentials and security codes.
-Gathers respond.
Gathers: Cradle Control, this Colonel Gathers ID # 723566184, Alpha Classification, Clearance level 10, Security Code: RX78-2, Acknowledge?
Control: Copy that Colonel, you are clear for docking at bay 9. Welcome home.
Gathers: Good to be…
-Ship files into the bay and docks. Gathers, Thomas, and Damas (now in Federation Uniform) step out of the ship and walk into a corridor.
Thomas: Well Damas, how does it feel to be back in Uniform?
Damas: Can’t believe this once fit me.
Thomas: well you’ll fit back into it. (chuckles)
-the party walks toward a door that whooshes open and reveals a hangar. Inside it reveals 5 Mobile Suits. Damas walks toward his. Looks at it like as though he has reunited with an old friend.
Damas: RX-100 Gundam Codenamed: GHOST Gundam…it’s been a long time old friend.
-suddenly, the machine comes to life.
Voice: Too long Damas…
Damas: Sigurd! (happily) You’re still online!
Sigurd: And still got a little fight in me.
-Damas smiles and starts to stretch. And as he does Gathers, Thomas, and two more personnel approach him. One of them looks like Thomas but a younger version of him but with piercing blue eyes. The other is a like the young man but has dirty curly blonde hair, lanky frame, and hazel eyes.
Gathers: LT. Colonel Mathaian…
-Damas turns to group and Gathers gestures the other two.
Gathers: ….this is Warrant Officer Kenyon Aetius Anoah, and this is Sergeant Daxus Lee Harper, they also belong to Thomas’s outfit.
Damas: Really? More fools.
-Kenyon frowns, but then turns his attention to one of the Gundams. Damas notices this and asks…
Damas: What’s that model?
-Gathers proceeds to address the Gundams, starting with the inquired suit.
Gathers: That is the RX-101 Gundam Codename: BALDUR Gundam (for description sake, it looks like the NT-1 Alex from 0080 but the red and yellow parts are black and white.). It’s designed to for multi range scenarios.
-Damas looks at the next one (which resembles the RX-178 Titans color Gundam from Zeta)
Damas: And that one?
Gathers: That would be the RX-102 Gundam Codename: TYR Gundam. Designed for multi range scenarios, but it’s equipped with specialized Tactical programs for Major Anoah.
-Damas looks at the next one (which resembles the Gundam F91)
Damas: and that short little guy would be?
Dax: Hey!!
Gathers: (chuckling) That is the RX-103 Gundam Codename: HERMOD Gundam, an experimental frame to test the new VSBR system we’re working on. It’s strictly for mid and CQ scenarios.
-Damas then gazes on the Gundam next to his (which resembles the GP02A Physalis from 0083)
Damas: and what would that big SOB be?
Gathers: That’s the RX-104 Gundam Codename: THOR Gundam.
Damas: how original?
Gathers: That suit has a unique role: its job is simply to deploy a DRAGOON Fusion Nuclear Warhead.
Damas: ……does it have one on board right now?
Gathers: No not yet why?
Damas: (sigh of relief) thank God. remembers a time when he witnessed a DRAGOON detonate.
-Damas Finally turns back towards his own suit (which resembles the Wing Gundam from Gundam Wing {Anime Version})
Damas: and this is my RX-100 Gundam Codename: GHOST Gundam. Like the BALDUR and TYRE, it is suited for multi role scenarios; it’s equipped with a variation of the VSBR like the HERMOD, and has the one shot punch of the THOR. Among other things….
-then several guards and technicians arrive carrying a large container.
Damas: What’s that for?
Gathers: Ah! I believe it’s time we leave the hanger, this way please.
-Gathers shepherds the group out of the hanger and into an observation room overlooking the hanger.
Damas: you didn’t answer my question.
Gathers: That would be THOR’s Dragoon Warhead.
-Damas freezes, and looks at Gathers.
Damas: Send me back to prison! (starts for the door)
Thomas: What! You just got out!

Damas: I WIL NOT fight in the same space with that thing! Not with a volatile and dangerous weapon strapped to its back!
Gathers: Relax Damas! We’ve come a long way from the unstable versions of the Dragoon.
Damas: Oh! Isn’t that what you told me when you glassed Glessia on Prime!
Gathers: I made a mistake that day. Why won’t you let that go?!!
-As the Argument progresses upstairs, an individual walks up to one of GHOST’s beam packs and straps a device to it. The man then proceeds to the locker room and find a Space Suit…
Gathers: And another thing….
-The Device detonates and in turn detonates the pack and sends the entire room exploding. The HERMOD Gundam takes most of the blast and looks like it was destroyed. The TYRE is not critically damaged but it is unable to be used. Only the GHOST, BALDUR, and THOR are not damaged by the blast.
-Suddenly, the same man who caused the blast appears, this time in a Space Suit, Rushes towards the BALDUR.
Kenyon: Freeze!
-the man turns, seeing Kenyon brandishing a pistol. The man brandishes his own pistol and levels it at Kenyon. Both of them are pointing guns at each other. Another explosion occurs and the shock wave knocks Kenyon down. The man runs instead towards THOR and manages to board it.
Gathers: Red Alert! Red Alert! Perimeter has been breached! Total Lockdown immediately, initiate all security protocols!
-the man activates Thor and manages to get the hangar door open. By now Kenyon has managed to get to safety. The man gets the Thor out of the hanger and is taking off.
Thomas: Status Report!
Dax: someone is in THOR’s cockpit! He’s trying to escape with it!
Gathers: It’s him!
Damas: (dragging himself up) who??!!
Gathers: Tristan Walker!
Damas: Who the **** is that??!!
Gathers: Jason Argos’ right hand man, the Knight of Midgard himself.
Damas: Never heard of him!
Gathers: He’s like you except he’s younger, better looking, and a lot less of an ass****! Down to him vaporizing an entire Army of our Mobile Suits!
Damas: He won’t be me for long!
-Damas runs toward GHOST, Gathers tries to stop him but in vain.
Gathers: Warrant Officer Anoah!
-Kenyon looks at Gathers
Kenyon: Yes sir?
Gathers: get in BALDUR and aid the GHOST in recapturing THOR, if you can’t accomplish that destroy it!
Kenyon: Roger that!
-Kenyon runs toward the BALDUR.
Gathers: Sergeant Harper!
Dax: Yes Sir?
Gathers: help out with the wounded and get them to safety!
Dax: Ai sir!
Gathers: Major! What’s the status on our other Mobile Suits??!!
Thomas: all Mobile Suits have been deployed into defensive positions and some are moving to aid the BALDUR and GHOST in recapturing THOR.
Gathers: I meant the Gundams??!!
Thomas: HERMOD is critically damaged, TYRE is not as bad but not combat capable, GHOST and BALDUR are ok, and o yeah, THOR is stolen!!
Gathers: What else could go wrong?
-Suddenly, the proximity alert is sounded and the AI states…
AI: Warning! Warning! Unauthorized Mobile Suits approaching Cradle!
Gathers: how many??!!
AI: 6, all Berserkers!
Gathers: Damn!
-GHOST Gundam Launches off the catapult.
-BALDUR steps up onto the catapult.
Thomas: this is Kenny’s first sortie.
Gathers: I know.
Thomas: Do you think he’s ready?
Gathers: (Grinning) Hell yes.
-Kenyon Sounds off over intercom
Kenyon: BALDUR Gundam…Warrant Officer Anoah…Engaging Targets!!! Launches off the catapult

To Be Continued…

To be clear, this is how each chapter will end, and this is when you can post.

6’8" holy crap.

Fairly capturing, but the setup is a little off putting to reading a regular novel.

the 6’8" bit: i forgot to mention, Primeans are very tall people, seeing as they started out as a penal colony on its own (think Austrailia but without the accent and instead of a contininent its a whole planet.) and the rough liveing made them that way (but thats another chapter.)

As for the way its set up: as i stated before, i intentionally did this as in to format it as though you were reading a script and you invision it in your head like it was an actual anime. i hope i cleared that up for you and i trust its uniique to your tastes.

the 6’8" bit: i forgot to mention, Primeans are very tall people, seeing as they started out as a penal colony on its own (think Austrailia but without the accent and instead of a contininent its a whole planet.) and the rough liveing made them that way (but thats another chapter.)

As for the way its set up: as i stated before, i intentionally did this as in to format it as though you were reading a script and you invision it in your head like it was an actual anime. i hope i cleared that up for you and i trust its uniique to your tastes.

BTW: Chapter 2 is in the works.

This is awesome man can’t wait for chapter two, sucked me right in.

Chapter 2
Location: Federation Mobile Suit Research Facility Codenamed: “Cradle” Actual location Classified.
-BALDUR steps up onto the catapult.
Thomas: this is Kenny’s first sortie.
Gathers: I know.
Thomas: Do you think he’s ready?
Gathers: (Grinning) Hell yes.
-Kenyon Sounds off over intercom
Kenyon: BALDUR Gundam…Warrant Officer Anoah…Engaging Targets!!! Launches off the catapult
Kenyon: Now where are you?
-Kenyon looks around to find the THOR. Then he pulls a device the size of a USB drive from the back of his helmet. He places the device into an outlet behind the right throttle and pushes the node button on the top of it.
Kenyon: BALDUR Program: Engage.
-the Gundams panoramic view screen flashes and a male computer voice warbles to life.
Voice: BALDUR Program: Online.
Kenyon: How ya doin B?
BALDUR: Never better Ken.
-Kenyon grins and resumes to scanning for THOR.
Kenyon: BALDUR, I trust you were briefed about the situation?
BALDUR: Roger Kenyon, and as we speak I’m scanning the surrounded area for THOR now.
Kenyon: Good.
-Kenyon then pushes forward on the throttles and BALDUR lurches forward into the darkness of space.
-Meanwhile, Damas and SIGURD are scanning their own area operations for the stolen Gundam.
Damas: SIGURD did you see where that bastard went?
SIGURD: Negative, however Amadeus, I’ve picked up the 6 Berserkers that have entered the restricted area. Care to have some fun with them?
Damas: I guess that’ll have to do. (Chuckles)
-GHOST then transforms into its fighter mode and moves on to the enemy mobile suits.
-We then see THOR blasting its thrusters full toward the 6 mobile suits.
Tristan: Lieutenant McKormick, come in?
McKormick: I read you Capitan, judging by what I’m seeing on my screen, you have succeeded in capturing a Gundam?
Tristan: Indeed Lieutenant! (Chuckling) sadly, it’s not the one I wanted.
McKormick: what do you mean, sir?
Tristan: I had my eye on the one called BALDUR, but sadly I ran out of time and got this one out of the spur of the moment.
McKormick: Well, as the old proverb goes, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” we’ll just have play with the toys Fate gives us.
Tristan: Aint that the sad truth old friend?
McKormick: It is. But on the bright side, with this machine and 10 years’ worth of manufactured mobile suit forces, we’ll regain the glory of the Argonauts!
Tristan: Yes…. (Drifts off into thoughts)…. And I’ll avenge the death of my sister, Talia.
-The name of Tristan’s sister’s killer comes to his mind.
Tristan: ……Damn you ….
-Before he could finish his sentence, THOR’s sensors start to blurt out.
THOR: THOR Program: Online….Warning! Warning! Unidentified mobile suits approaching!
-Tristan turns and sees GHOST coming from his port, BALDUR from his starboard.
Tristan: Damn! Alright boys heads up! We got 2 possibly powerful new mobile suits coming up on us! Prepare for combat!
McKormick: You heard the Capitan! No matter what happens we have to make sure that the enemy cannot recapture the Gundam….in other words, if it means sacrificing your lives cover the Cap’s retreat!
Tristan: What!! I don’t retreat!!
McKormick: the carrier Swordfish is waiting to get you out of here! As soon as you’ve escaped with the Gundam, me and my men will surrender!
Tristan: I’m not leaving you here! Not in this situation!
McKormick: Consider this an order! Now get out of here Doddammit!
Tristan: But…
-suddenly BALDUR’s Beam rifle fire starts bobbing and weaving around them. The suits and the stolen THOR start to evade and return fire. A Berserker throws a spare rifle to the THOR, and Tristan switches from the Vulcans to the rifle.
-Kenyon starts to focus on THOR.
Kenyon: LT. Colonel, do you copy?
Damas: (static) Yeah, Yeah! … I read you! What the **** do you want?
Kenyon: Do you want the THOR or the enemy suits?
Damas: I’ll handle the enemy suits…. (Sounds like he’s straining in pain…like he’s feeling every hit on his suit like it was hitting his own body.) ……you try to get THOR.
Kenyon: Roger that! Engaging THOR!
-BALDUR blasts towards the THOR, while GHOST evades the beam fire of the Berserkers. BALDUR dodges the THOR’s fire and comes to closing the distance.
Kenyon: gottcha!!
-Kenyon levels BALDUR’s beam rifle at THOR’s cockpit. THOR freezes, Tristan Grunts in frustration.
Kenyon: Surrender and exit the Gundam now or I’ll shoot out the cockpit!
Tristan: (Remembering) ….It’s that same damn kid!
Kenyon: you have 3 seconds!
Tristan: Go **** Yourself! Feddie Scum!!
-Kenyon gets flustered. Clenches on the trigger of the controls, but moves the barrel of the rifle up to the right shoulder of THOR
Kenyon: well if you’re gonna act like that then… (Proceeds to pull on control’s trigger)
-As if by miracle, a damaged Berserker slams into the THOR, taking the full brunt of BALDUR’s blast, right into the cockpit and destroying the entire mech. Kenyon goes pale with horror. So does Tristan.
Kenyon: I…I meant only a warning shot…DAMN YOU!!
-Kenyon begins to violently shoot at THOR, hitting the various bits and pieces of armor. THOR trying to dodge the erratic gunfire while Tristan gets slammed around the cockpit by the hits of the rifle. BALDUR speaks up.
BALDUR: Kenyon calm down! We need that suit intact!
-Kenyon begins to relax his grip on the trigger and calm his temper. He begins to re-focus himself.
Kenyon: sorry BALDUR, you know how I get….
BALDUR: knock it off! There are no excuses when you’re a warrior. A warrior is always calm in battle and does not let his emotions control his actions…. Oh by the way, HE’S GETTING AWAY!
Kenyon: What!
-THOR blasts its jets in towards the direction of the awaiting Carrier.
Kenyon: Aww hell no!!
-Kenyon tries to follow but suddenly is engaged by another Berserker.
-Meanwhile on Damas’ end of the fighting, he winds up slicing up 1 of the mechs, and shredding another with his shoulder mounted chain guns.
Damas: SIGURD! How many more are of these *************?!
SIGURD: about 3. 1 is engaging the BALDUR; the other 2 are heading right for us.
Damas: and the THOR?
SIGURD: I’m afraid it has made it to the mother ship.
Damas: Son of a bitch!
-Damas contemplates his options and comes to a solution.
Damas: You know what SIGURD? SCREW these bastards! Put the GH Drive at 50% and try to take out both the mobile suits and the carrier!
SIGURD: 50%?!! We’ve never gone that high before!!!
-Damas smirks
Damas: It’s a first time for everything now do it!
SIGURD: Roger that!
-the sound of the GHOSTS mysterious engine roars to life, giving off no signature of energy output, only sound.
SIGURD: GH Drive: 50% Charge complete, buster rifle is ready to fire!
Damas: Use all 3 packs at their maximum filter capacity. I don’t want anyone dodging this.
SIGURD: What about the BALDUR?
Damas: oh yeah I forgot about that twerp.
-at this time, Kenyon has managed to defeat his opponent by removing his arms, legs, and head and is now getting ready to chase after the Swordfish when…
Damas: (over the comm) I hate to break up your fun kid, but I suggest you move!
-BALDUR turns to see the GHOST weapon aimed at everything in sight, from the 2 intact MS, to the defeated one, to him to the Swordfish. Kenyon then hears Gathers over the Comm.
Gathers: Warrant Officer! Get the hell outta the WAY!
-Kenyon proceeds to grab the Semi destroyed Berserker and haul ass away from the area.
-as this is happening, the THOR has reached the Argonaut Carrier ship Swordfish.
Tristan: Lieutenant McKormick! I’ve made it to the Swordfish! Fall back and let’s get out of here! I repeat: FALL BACK!!!
McKormick: Roger that! Falling back N…
-Just then a HUGE golden beam of light flashes across the stars hitting McKormick’s Berserker right on, and by extreme heat alone makes the last Berserker explode, all the while, hits the starboard of the Sword fish and melts the top part of the ship. It lasts for 10 whole seconds until it dissipates and vanishes.
Tristan: McKormick! McKormick! Lieutenant McKormick come in!
-only white noise is heard. Tristan is dumbfounded.
Tristan: What? …What? …What the **** was that?!!
-as the crew of the Swordfish secures THOR, the Ship proper “jumps” out of the area.
-Kenyon witnesses the blast and is as well dumbfounded.
Kenyon: What the hell was that?! LT. Colonel? Did you do that?
-no response.
Kenyon: sir?
-again, no response.
Kenyon: Sir are you ok? Sir Respond!!
-Kenyon, with the Berserker in tow, flies toward the GHOST, which by this time, has shut down.
Kenyon: Damas are you ok?
SIGURD: Amadeus is alive in case you’re wondering, but due to the amount of neural feedback, he has become unconscious from the shock.
Kenyon: “Neural Feedback”?
-Kenyon ponders this as he carries both the Berserker and the immobilized GHOST back to Cradle.

Location: Cradle Base, Gundam Hanger 2.
-we see Kenyon climbing out of the BALDUR and as he does removes the device that holds the BALDUR Program from the cockpit and placing it into his pocket in shirt inside his Space suit he has unzipped. He then sees his longtime friend Dax and his older brother Thomas (Kenyon is 19, Thomas is 27.) walk up to him and he salutes the Major.
Kenyon: Major?
Thomas: Warrant Officer?
Dax: Kenyon?
Kenyon: Dax?
-an awkward silence follows. Then Thomas breaks the silence.
Thomas: According to both BALDUR’s and GHOST’s Combat Data, the THOR and Tristan made their escape?
Kenyon: Yes sir. I apologize for my actions during the sortie…
-Thomas gestures Kenyon to stop.
Thomas: don’t apologize for performing well for your first sortie. We may have lost the THOR, but it could have been worse…
Gathers: It has gotten worse!!!
-the group turns to see Gathers pale with grief and horror.

Dax: what do you mean worse Colonel?
Gathers: I talked with one of the Technicians that were working on THOR……
Thomas: and??
Gathers: they just confirmed that THOR has a FULLLY loaded and FULLY ARMED DRAGOON Fusion Nuclear Warhead on board!!!
-now everyone has gone pale with grief and horror.
-before any dialogue could be said concerning this matter, they hear a blood curdling scream coming from the GHOST. All turn into GHOSTs direction and see a horrible scene
-as GHOST’s hatch opens up, they see a strange suit of armor extrude out of the hatch, with THOUSANDS of small 1” long needles and 7 3” long needles running down the course of the spine, and an 8th 3” long needle going into his chest. In an instant, the thousand 1” needles quickly pull out of the armor, and we can hear Damas scream in pain. Then one by one, the spinal needles withdraw each causing Damas excruciating pain. And finally, the chest needle withdraws, but not before it causes Damas’ heart to flat line, causing the Gundam to literally shock Damas back to life causing him to make the blood curdling scream.
-All the party members begin to retch, hold for puking, and pick a disgusted look
Dax: I think I’m gonna hurl!!!
Kenyon: DAMN!!!
-Thomas and Gathers don’t make a sound only making faces as though this was business as usual.
Dax: how can you guys be not disgusted by this??!!
Gathers: because to me and the Major, this is completely normal.
-both the younger officers look at them in confusion. They then see Damas being placed into a gurney and being carried off to the Sick Bay. A medical officer walks up to Colonel Gathers.
Gathers: What’s the Status of the LT. Colonel?
Doctor: He took a considerable amount of Neural Feedback from blasting the cannon, but he’ll make a full recovery.
Gathers: good, whenever he regains consciousness inform me so that I may speak with him.
Doctor: yes sir!
-The medical officer salutes the Colonel and heads off to Sick Bay. Kenyon and Dax look at the other two for a few seconds.
Gathers: So…We’ve lost the THOR, Tyre needs repairs along with the HERMOD, and the GHOST’s pilot won’t be in good shape for a week….looks like BALDUR is the only one that’s truly operable.
Kenyon: Me and BALDUR will be ready for pursuit of THOR in 1 hour sir!
Gathers: no you are not!
Kenyon: what??!!
Gathers: What you’re going to do is spend the rest of the Week training until GHOST’s pilot is back online. You’ll need that backup in order to handle the Argonauts.
Kenyon: but…
Gathers: THAT’S AN ORDER!!!
Kenyon: (begrudgingly) yes sir!!!
-Kenyon salutes Gathers, Gathers returns the salute. Gathers moves on to the comm room to report the situation to Command.
3 Hours later……
-we see a ship leaving the Cradle, it is about the length of the 4 football fields, the width of 3 Football fields at its widest and has 5 Mobile Suit pods (4 on the sides, 2 facing forward, 2 facing backwards, and a MS Magnapod placed above the bridge) near the front of the Ship, there are 2 wing like structures near the end of the ships. It appears to have 4 forward mounted particle cannons, 4 rearward mounted particle cannons and 4 (2 on each side) broadside particle cannons and that totals in 12 main particle cannons with multiple small cannons, “fin funnel” Cannons, missiles, etc. the entire ship is painted in silver with black trimmed edges, and on the top of the Bridge, emblazoned is her name: UTFS: Odessa. Colonel Gathers has Given command of this beautiful ship to Capitan Henry Christopher Morgan, a 48 year old man with a lot of space battles worth of experiences under his belt. He’s a bulky framed man with jet black with a touch of Grey hair and an honorable appearance and so right fully deserved.
Morgan: Attention all hands! We have our precious cargo aboard! On orders from Colonel Gathers, we are to escort the Gundams, or what’s left of them to Federation military headquarters at Ray City on Mars. Orders to engineering: Engage the Jump-Drive on my command!
Engineer: copy that Capitan! Engaging Jump-Drives now!
-the Roar of the Engines go into overdrive and wait in stasis
Navigator: Capitan! The coordinates are set, awaiting your orders.
Morgan: Are the Gundams secured Major Anoah?
Thomas: Yes Capitan! We are ready for the ride (grinning)
Morgan: (chuckles) well then…Engage!
-the Odessa screams into space, on its way to Mars with the Gundams.

To be Continued….

Seeing a rather large inspiration coming from 0083 here.
Keep it up man, I’m actually impressed with this!

Actually, youd be right, from the theft of THOR (which resembels the Physalis) to Tristan’s line in Cp2 “It’s that same Damn kid!”, those are an homage to 0083. in essense im paying my respects to ALL of the Gundam series, and a few other elements of sifi.

Yeah I like the star trek refrence…ENGAGE!

Also I’m likeing the 0083 refrences as well. Also likeing the charictars, and the suits are verty intresting, I really hope you go more into the tech.

Ok, being honest, I like it. A bit predictable, but quite the easy read.

HOWEVER, because I’m sure I’m the only guy who will notice this over here, I can tell you what you used is not an script format. It is based on it, sure, but its like a mixture of both radio drama and movie script formats. The only bad thing is none are practical ways of showcasing your story.

Instead, what I would recommend is that you look for a novel called “The Big Kill” by Mickey Spillane, just for you to see an style you might be able to use. Nothing’s wrong with imitating an style in particular, as long as that’s the only thing you imitate.

It’s just a suggestion, though.

I know they are not practical, but in my honest opinion, its a more unique way to tell the story. truthfully, i get really annoyed the the way most stories are written, dont get me wrong i love the stories, but the style is always the same, by doing this format you can bend the rules and just as well “cut through the crap” and get to the point. its what i like to call the “simple mans” Style of writting. and more importantly, any one can read it without getting lost,also i kind of took a page out of how you did ZZ: ANT but i refined it to my tastes(no hard feelings!lol) so you see what im going with here. also, ill look into the “BIG KILL” by Micky Spillane, i think ive heard of that book before.

I don’t know how I feel about the story yet. I think that if there were some character bios, small ones of course, and some sort of description of the mobile suits and their specialities, again small ones, in the first post it would help. Atleast it would help me, LOL, I can’t seem to remember what character and MS are by the time I’m thru reading. I do actually like the way you’re doing it, maybe add some paragraphs when you describe the next scene you’re going to. Or maybe some small breaks in the conversations, just to sorta help the reader keep place.

Chapter 3
Location: Federation Military Head Quarters at Ray City located on Mars Codename: “Fort Castelum”.
-Morning, we see an individual rising from his bed and walk toward the sink in his quarters. He turns on his lights and it reveals to be Kenyon. He proceeds to wash his face and groom himself (brush teeth, comb hair, clean face, etc.) in military manner. As he does so, a view screen flashes on and we hear BALDUR’s voice come to life.
BALDUR: Good morning Kenyon.
Kenyon: morning B. So, what’s goin on right now?
BALDUR: We have arrived at Fort Castelum on Mars sir. The Odessa has already engaged with landing and docking protocols.
-Kenyon pushes a button on the console of his desk as he dries his face, and the view screen reveals the teraformed blue sky of Mars and the beautiful landscape of the green fields that dot the outer rim of Ray City. Then the view screen pans to the outer façade of Fort Castelum. It rose to over 70 stories high and the compound spread out to almost 40 football fields in diameter. It looked more of a futuristic medieval castle let alone a military base. Kenyon looked at it admiringly for architecture but with disgust for the political interference of politics in military matters. Between the 10 years of peace, it had become a politicians’ game more than a military conflict. And Kenyon knew it all too well, seeing school politics had controlled West Point back on Earth.
BALDUR: Kenyon…are you alright?
Kenyon: oh, I’m fine, just thinking about stuff.
BALDUR: in that case, I just wanted to inform you that your brother Thomas has requested your presence on the bridge.
Kenyon: (groaning) uugh, alright, tell him I’ll be up there in 8 minutes.
BALDUR: very well sir, I’ll inform your brother…
-Kenyon groans and proceeds to put on his uniform. Minutes later, we see him in uniform coming to the bridge. The door whooshes open, revealing the bridge and at the Capitan’s right, a fully recovered Damas, is sipping on a flask. While on his left, his brother Thomas and his friend Dax are watching the Odessa landing on the pad and locking down.
Thomas: Ah! How was your nap Kenny?
-Kenyon frowns
Kenyon: Don’t call me Kenny!! It’s either Ken or Kenyon!
Thomas: (Chuckling) ok! Ok! I was just joking!
-The crew begins to quietly chuckle. Kenyon had a nasty habit of getting pissed off about his name.
Thomas: or would you rather I call you by that nickname that your peers at West Point gave you?
Dax: what was it “Angry Anoah”?
-Suddenly he feels the blade of a combat knife touching is throat. He froze in fear and manages to turn his head to reveal to us the knife belonged to Kenyon. He realizes that there was no way he could have moved that fast without someone seeing him. Kenyon, after seeing Thomas gesture him to stop, placed his knife back into a scabbard on his person, then Thomas gestured him again to leave the bridge. The Bridge had gone quiet. Then the Capitan restated the question.
Morgan: So…what was his nickname??
Thomas: Nachtwulf.
Dax: What the heck does that mean?
-Thomas is about to explain when…
Damas: It’s German for “Night Wolf”, I’ve read Kenyon’s file. For the past 2 years before being transferred (by your father’s request I could imagine), he has been leading Black Ops against the Argonauts, and has so far… never failed.
-Dax Gulps, realizing Kenyon’s not all he seems….

Location: Inside Fort Castelum, Main Briefing Room.
-We see three men, one is Colonel Gathers, the second is man of Hispanic origin, and the other of African origin. The Spaniard has the markings of a Major and within the same range of age with Thomas. The African has the markings of a brigadier General and was even older than Gathers, and when I mean old, I mean ANCIENT!!
-The doors to the room whoosh open and Thomas, Kenyon, Dax, and Damas enter the room. Thomas looks at the Spaniard and is surprised.
Thomas: Well! Look at you, a Major!
The Spaniard: Si indeed amigo! After 3 years I finally got to match you!
Thomas: Major Hector Velasquez Ramirez! Comes off the tongue quite nicely old friend.
Hector: Si amigo! But I wouldn’t have gotten here if it hadn’t been for you and your father.
Thomas: Wrong, you made it here because of you! You worked your ass off and now you’ve earned your keep.
-the two old friends chuckled and rejoined the group already in converse at the table.
General: Ah! Major Anoah! So glad of you to join us!
-Thomas salutes the General, whom returns it.
Thomas: Brigadier General Carver Mombasa, good to see you again sir.
-the old General chuckled and as he did, tapped a button on the table and a hologram of the battle that took place at the Cradle plays. He looks at it, scrutinizing every detail, and after the whole presentation was over, he pushed the button again and the main lights turned on.
Carver: So…. (Sighing) in short, the HERMOD is completely trashed……
-Thomas intervenes
Thomas: actually sir, HERMOD is not totally trashed but it will take a long time till it will be combat operational.
Carver: ok, HERMOD is Semi-Trashed until it is repaired. What about the TYRE?
Gathers: the TYRE has been repaired while en route to here. It is now completely combat capable.
-General Carver looked over the other reports.
Carver: And I heard our Warrant Officer did well in his first sortie.
-Kenyon nervously chuckles
Kenyon: Well….
Carver: Good work Soldier. BALDUR made the right choice choosing you.
Kenyon: Thank you sir!
-Carver then looks over to Damas.
Carver: And I trust your little action with the buster rifle was a fix for you Mathaian?
-Damas proceeds to flip him the Bird. Carver chuckles.
Carver: So the TYRE, BALDUR, and the GHOST are all capable for fighting, the HERMOD will need about….?
Gathers: a month of repairs sir…
Carver: of course the HERMOD will be out of action for about a month, and finally…
-Carver shows the hologram of THOR.
Carver: the THOR Gundam has been stolen.
-all are solemn and fearful of that machine.
Carver: and to make matters worse, the THOR is fitted with a DRAGOON mk. 83 FNW slug. So gentlemen, what’s our next move?
-you could hear a pin drop in the room. The only other thing you hear besides a pin is the sound of Damas taking a swig from his flask. Dax was the first to speak.
Dax: I say we Glass every Argonaut base along their borders until they surrender the Gundam back to us.
Gathers: and then what? Give Jason Argos the Excuse he needs to reignite the war? I don’t know about you Mr. Harper, but I know certain politicians, certain things called the People, and a whole mess of Soldiers that would have you burned at the stake for such a proposal.
-Carver looks over the entire group and studies their faces. He sizes up the whole mess and goes into deep thought. His sharpened wisdom protruding from his eyes. Finally he speaks….
Carver: Daxus, your suggestion should get you burned to the stake, but you’re on the right track. This is a possible plan: First, we will deploy the Odessa to a specified area until further orders. Second, as soon as we have sufficient Intel, we will send you a list of the most likely locations that the THOR may be hiding. Third, you will enter the areas and search for the Gundam with a Kill or Capture order now placed on it.
Damas: Wait a minute? “Kill or Capture”?
Carver: Correct, if cannot recover it, make sure it cannot be used against us.
Thomas: in other words: Destroy it.
-Carver nods at Thomas in approval.
Carver: Fourthly, Destroy all evidence pertaining to your existence at the site; in short, leave no evidence that you were there. And finally, move on to the next target. After you have completed the mission, you will be put on standby to await further orders. Is that clear, Gentlemen?
All: YES SIR!!
Carver: Good Luck!
-the room begins to scramble, Gathers, Damas, Thomas, Ramirez, Dax, and Kenyon all head for the Odessa. All walking in military tandem. All apprehensive.
-Ramirez stops as well as Thomas.
Ramirez: Well amigo this is far as I go! (Laughs) good luck with the mission!
Thomas: Good luck to you as well my friend. Say hello to Carlita for me.
Ramirez: I will!
-Both Friends part for another time. We then see Damas as he’s walking toward the Odessa, extremely pissed off.
Damas: oh this is just ******* Great! One minute I’m in prison, the next thing I know I’m chasing down ******* NUKES!

Location: Argonaut Military base, near the Albany system, in Argonaut Territory.
-we see a large military bunker covered in foliage surrounded by vast Jungle. Inside we see Argonauts cheering, partying, and all sorts of merrymaking. We see the Signs, “welcome Home Tristan”, and “Victory for the Knight of Midgard and Argos” hung over both the hall of the bay and the THOR Gundam. Most of the poor bastards getting all sorts of drunk and whatever. We then see Tristan sitting in a room off from the main bay. He’s most likely sipping on a very old Teran Cognac, thinking about many things. The past 10 years, the war beforehand, the loss of his friend McKormick, the death of his beloved sister Talia, the man who took her from this life……
Tristan: Damn you, you son of a….
-then a female soldier walks in, she has a slender frame, short White hair and eyes of gold. She smiles at him.
Woman: Sir? Are you ok?
Tristan: (breaking out of his trance) oh! Lieutenant Cresnick! Sorry, I was in a daze…
Woman: please sir, call me Laura.
Tristan: Very well then Laura. So, what’s on your mind?
Laura: (Nervously) I was just wondering, what’s our next move sir?
-Tristan sighs then recollects what his superiors told him.
Tristan: Whelp, our technicians are trying to replicate that DRAGOON Nuke so as we can have more instead of one, and that will take time…
-his thoughts drifted back and forth between the past and present.
Tristan: …So for now we’ll hunker down, and await further orders.
Laura: Is that so (dreamily)….
-another soldier bursts through the door.
Soldier: Capitan??!!
Tristan: Yes?
Soldier: Jason Argos is on Sterile Channel 7 sir!
Tristan: Thank you trooper. That is all.
Soldier: Yes sir! (Trooper leaves closing the door behind him.)
Laura: (blushing) well sir I’ll be with the others should you need me sir.
Tristan: (pushing buttons to activate the coms) that will be fine, Laura.
Laura: and sir….
-Tristan turns around and both look at one another.
Laura: …I’m sorry about Lt. McKormick; I heard he was your closest friend.
-Tristan frowned, and then looked back at her.
Tristan: Yeah, so am I. Thank you Lieutenant Laura.
Laura: (blushing even more) you’re welcome sir.
-Laura then closes the door. Tristan then turns to the computer and pushes the button. As soon as he did so, the image of the proud but ancient face of Jason Argos appears on the screen.
Jason: Tristan Walker! I’ve heard of your little unauthorized mission to the Cradle.
Tristan: Yes sir and I take full responsibility and punishment for its failure.
Jason: Punishment??!! Failure??!! Nonsense! If I was there I would have pinned a medal on you upon your return!!! Yes McKormick lost his life and I am sorry for that, but rest assured his family is being taken care of as well as all of the others that were lost and more importantly, their sacrifice will not be in vain!
-Tristan manages to crack a weak smile.
Tristan: Thank you sir. I really appreciate that comfort.
Jason: not a problem, and by the way, how’s that bottle of Cognac I sent you?
-Tristan looks over to the bottle sitting on the desk.
Tristan: thank you for it sir, it was great.
Jason: Very good Tristan.
Tristan: So sir, any orders?
Jason: Oh! Yes, ahem, well, now that you’ve mentioned it, yes I do have new orders for you.
Tristan: Well?
Jason: Your orders, 3 days from now, you and your unit are to report to New Britannia for upgrades and repairs to your mobile suits and the Gundam. Mr. X has told me that our check has cleared and all he needs to do is receive the suits and he’ll get to work.
Tristan: New Britannia? Isn’t that neutral territory?
Jason: yes, but I know a guy who knows a guy (chuckles). But that’s 3 days from now and for right now……
-Tristan looks puzzled at Jason.
Tristan: Now what?
Jason: …rest.
-screen clicks off and Tristan sits there in the room, silent and thoughtful. Then he pushes another button.
Tristan: Laura?
Lauren: Yes sir?
Tristan: Could you come in here for a sec?
-A couple of minutes later Laura enters the room.
Laura: you wanted to see me sir?
-Tristan Grabs the bottle and a couple glasses.
Tristan: this had been a tradition of McKormick’s and mine (pours the Cognac into the glasses) to drink a toast after each mission.
-Tristan hands a glass to Laura.
Tristan: (raising his glass) to McKormick and to all the men and women who have given their lives for Midgard and her colonies.
-Laura shyly taps her glass to his and they sip it down. She continues to look at him, a man who has a face of experience, pride, youth …and sorrow.

Location: In Martian orbit, in Teran Federation Territory. We see the Odessa, prepping to head to Federation Star Port # 639 near the Mercutio system. All the Gundams (including the HERMOD Gundam under reconstruction) are fully stored and are secured for the Star-Jump.
-Now the way that a Star-Jump works is that the engine will start collecting a numerous amounts of solar particles and cosmic Dust and radiation and this cosmic cocktail is then absorbed into the Fusion reactor and then it’s given a charge. It then goes into stasis which depends on the distance (Example: let’s say you wanted to go from Earth to Jupiter, what you would need to do is charge your engine for at best 1 hour. Why? Because of Jump-Drive Technology, what would take thousands of years can now be accomplished in days. In other words, 1hr. of charge=1lightyear=1day of travel. So if you wanted to go straight to Jupiter from Earth, you would have to travel 1 day or less to get there.) So since the Star Port is roughly 14 Light-years away, the Odessa needs a 14 hour charge to have enough energy to get there, which according to the sequence mentioned about will take about 2 weeks.
-as the 14 hours were drawing to their close, Capitan Morgan began to address the crew.
Morgan: Attention all hands! We are about to commence the 2 week voyage to Star Port #639. Prepare for initial brace!
-the crew quickly ran through last minute checks and final completions.
Morgan: Major?
-Thomas turns to the Capitan.
Thomas: yes?
Morgan: is your team secured?
Thomas: more than ready sir.
Navigator: Capitan! Coordinates are set! Ready on your command.
Engineer: Capitan! Engines are at the full 14 hour charge, awaiting your orders.
-Capitan Morgan turns toward Thomas. He grins.
Morgan: Fasten your seat belts.
-Morgan turns toward the view screen.
Morgan: Very well then, proceed.
-the Odessa then fires both engines. Screaming into the blackness of space.
-we then see Kenyon enter his quarters; we then hear BALDUR’s voice yet again.
BALDUR: Are you alright, sir?
-Kenyon, looking in the mirror, grins.
Kenyon: Never Better B. Never Better.

To be Continued…

Kenyon: Never Better B. Never Better.

Hmm, B, a nickname my father gave me since I was a baby… I don’t know where this is going, but I just can’t remember when I exactly got the nickname, I was so young. Amazing fanfic by the way.