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GNzaku0023
October 19, 2010, 9:41 PM
Hey guys in the spirit of Halloween, I've decided to start a short story for you all! Please let me know what you all think and enjoy!

Gundam Seed Destiny:
Shadows of the Past
Cosmic Era 76
Part 1:
Shinn Auska walked alone down the leaf covered trail; a cool autumn breeze softly rustled the leaves that surrounded Shinn’s feet. The trees had turned to a fire red color along the path he walked, and he admired their beauty. Ever since he had left Z.A.F.T. with Lunamaria Hawke to join Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala on the Archangel two years ago, he had grown and matured, and had acquired a new appreciation for the world around him.
After two years of peace keeping missions all over the world, the crew of the Archangel finally had time to rest. They were all currently in Orb, where Shinn grew up as a child, and lost his family during the war. It used to be a painful place for him to be, but over time he let go of those old memories, and had begun to fight to make sure no one else had to suffer his loss.
Over the past two weeks, Lunamaria had dragged Shinn all over Orb, and Shinn finally managed to break away for the day. To his relief, he had managed to find his way far from the cities and crowded towns and all the way out to this old trail that had not been used in years, or so it had seemed.
He continued to walk further and further down the trail, and the wind was beginning to pick up slightly and the sun was starting to set behind the red autumn skyline. Shinn thought about turning around, when suddenly an overwhelming feeling came over him, something telling him to continue on his journey, and after a brief moment of consideration, he decided to move forward.
Nightfall had finally set in and the full moon was bright enough to illuminate everything. Shinn finally reached the end of the trail, where he found a small cliff with a drop straight to a beach line. He stood atop the edge of the cliff, trying to find what was calling him here. He scanned the area, and just as he was about to give up and leave, a glimmer of light down on the beach caught his eye. He slid down the short cliff side and landed in the soft sand.
He ran along the beach toward the object that caught his eye, and when he arrived, what he found was a head of an old mobile suit, but it was unlike any mobile suit design Shinn had ever seen, it was a blood red color, with a large horn sticking up from the middle of it, and a single visor piece covering the eye camera. Shinn couldn’t believe his discovery. “What is this?” he said to himself aloud, and immediately signaled his location the Archangel.

PART 2 Coming Soon!!

SilverFrameAstray
October 19, 2010, 10:48 PM
Nice dude. HolyHaroBalls....I just had an idea for a new forum...!
Rp's dude. Role play would be intense, especially for gundam.

Zeta-G
October 19, 2010, 11:27 PM
Why oh why did you turn the (awesome) pissed off, angst-ridden Shinn into a wuss? :roll:
I realize the SEED universe is a bit poor when it comes to consistency, but this is ridiculous.
People wonder why I have a dislike of 99% of fan fiction, and this is an example of one of my two main reasons for disliking fan fiction: it fails at portraying an existing character in a way that is consistent with the source material. If you can't accurately capture an existing character (or universe/timeline, whatever), you should NOT use them.
(The other thing I hate about most fan fiction is that the writing, on a technical level, is often quite poor. I don't think that is the case here; your writing is acceptable on purely technical terms, but it fails at portraying Shinn's character properly).

*Post edited for clarity.*

GNzaku0023
October 20, 2010, 10:15 AM
Characters need to change, if two years have past, and Shinn is still an angst ridden teenager who hasn't learned anything then we'll just have a static individual who is of no interest whatsoever. People need to change if they are in this situation. So in this case, yes, I didn't portray Shinn's old characteristics, but rather what I think he would be like two years after Seed Destiny. I'm sorry he didn't meet your expectations, but the ending has a surprise for everyone who has a problem with a certain Seed character. I like Shinn, and I know you feel that I may have ruined what his character may be, but I'm trying something new and I will continue to stick with it.

As for me using the Seed Time line, it's simply because I think it would make for a good crossover story.

Zeta-G
October 20, 2010, 1:37 PM
Yes, characters do need to grow and change over time, but it needs to be fairly organic. I wasn't picking that up here.
Granted given the SEED universe's history, a jarring change of characterization to suit the plot isn't unprecedented (look no further than Cagalli in SEED and then her 180 for much of Destiny; they give no real explanation for her change in personality), even if it is poor writing.

P.S. I wasn't telling you not to use an existing timeline, I was telling you not to use an existing timeline or character(s), if you were incapable of accurately portraying them. In my view, there is enough for me to think that you are not portraying Shinn accurately, but there is not enough material for determining if your portrayal of the SEED universe as a whole is good or bad.